I've been struggling with the decision to go back to work full-time or not. Every time I am in the office, which is far and few between, I nonetheless miss the energy. It makes me feel sad to know other people are working on interesting and dynamic things and I am so bored with work. It's hard to be engaged when I only work part-time from home. I try really hard to get new work and take on additional projects, but the nature of our work right now just means you have to be engaged 100% of the time. And right now, I can't. Or rather, I choose not to.
I feel so torn about the decision. I know working full-time would mean so much more stress...stress that comes with 2 hours of commuting, only seeing Luna 1 1/2 hours a day, potentially not being able to take her to all her therapies, not being able to find time to still have a sit down dinner, not being able to work out, having to work evenings....Now that D is working from home too he would be willing to take Luna to all her therapies, but call it mama bear primal instinct (or control?), but I want to be the one who is responsible for that. So how do I resolve the dilemma between wanting to satisfy my intellectual stimulation and wanting to be a mom with a potentially special needs child at the same time. Perhaps Sarah Palin has the answer? UGH!
In Luna news...my little girl is looking more and more like a little girl all the time. New Luna developments include:
- Saying Ball (Bahh)
- Consistently waving and saying bye, bye (buh, buh)
- Playing!!! Last weekend we went to the neighbors for dinner and she was so enamored with their 3 year old. She was laughing and crawling after her. It was adorable.
- Trying to feed herself...she can't quite scoop yet, though she managed to scoop today a bit, but she loves taking the spoon and putting it in her mouth.
- Using her knees to stand up and using her hand to help herself sit down after standing.
- Saying "thsssthssthss" for "sssss", as in ssssssnake
- Sitting forward facing in the car
- No longer fondling lovie's elephant trunk, but instead, focusing on his nubbies on the blanket part
- Crawling up stairs and loving it
- Occasionally giving big, wet, open-mouthed kisses on our cheeks which are so delicious! And knowing that kisses means, kissing.
- Coloring!
- Being able to stand up unassisted for 10 or so seconds.
- Stacking blocks (as of this morning). Her OT will be so proud!
- Pointing up.
- Going under water at the pool with no complaints.
Every morning I still sit with her while she drinks her sippy of milk and it's the most precious time I get with her during the day. She loves leaning against me and I of course, love it just the same. I love kissing her head while she drinks. Afterward, she likes to read books and will actively try to lean against me while we read. Of course, she still only really enjoys the flap books and as sick as D and I are of them, we know she loves them.
Two weeks ago she had Roseola. It began with four days of fever and ended with ghastly rash all over her face and body. She was completely lethargic and cuddly due to the high fever. After I fought with my pediatrician's assistant to get seen by the doctor, we went in. They had to test her urine for a UTI, and in collecting the sample via catheter, discovered that she had a hernia. So, we were immediately sent to a pediatric surgeon who we finally saw on Wednesday. After much poking and prodding and much crying from Luna, they (the surgeon, resident, and student doctors, for the love!) were not able to make the hernia "pop out" So now we're in a holding pattern while we wait to see if it worsens and pops out a bit more. There is a slight possibility that it is/was muscle and not a hernia, but again, we wait and see. We're due back in a month. Can I just tell you how incredibly sick of doctors and waiting I am. For someone who adamantly hates going to the doctor....here I am....going almost weekly. My poor sweet baby.
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